


Trust Me, Stay

by zeldadestry



Category: The OC
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 23:50:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zeldadestry/pseuds/zeldadestry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So- do you skate much?” Seth asks.  “I skate all the time, but it’s hard to tell, I know, I’m not that good.  I mean, I’m ok, don’t get me wrong, but not as good as I should be with all the practice.  So, do you skate much?”</p><p>His mom has already reached their car.  “We’ve got to go, Seth,” she calls back over her shoulder.  “Now!”</p><p>“See ya,” Seth says, fumbling to pick up his skateboard.  “It was nice to meet you.”  </p><p>For a moment, Ryan looks like he might smile at Seth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust Me, Stay

**Author's Note:**

> story also contains elements of Alex/Seth, Marissa/Ryan, Seth/Summer, and Alex/Marissa

He’s skateboarding in front of a new model home, waiting for his mom to finish her inspection. It’s the hottest June he can remember, and he wishes he was out on the water in his sailboat. 

Out of the corner of his eye he watches the guy lounging against one of the columns in front of the house, smoking. The guy notices his attention, turns his gaze in Seth’s direction. “Hey,” he says, throwing his cigarette to the ground without bothering to grind it out with his boot. “Let me try.” Seth hops off his board and the guy walks over, gets on, and starts trying for a kickflip. When he lands one, a small smile flashes across his face. 

“I’m Seth,” Seth says, holding out a sweaty palm. 

“Ryan,” the guy says, nodding his head at Seth, and ignoring his outstretched hand.

Seth draws his arm back, puts his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “You work here?”

“Yeah.”

Seth rocks back and forth on his feet. “You like construction?”

Ryan shrugs. “It’s good pay and it’s useful, you know, the stuff you learn.”

“Whose cigarette is this?” Seth and Ryan both turn towards Kirsten Cohen, who’s standing on the front step, staring down at the stub. “Please don’t litter,” she says to Ryan, and points at the empty oil drum being used as a trash can just a few feet away.

“It won’t happen again, ma’am,” Ryan says.

“Please see that it doesn’t,” she says, and walks away from them.

“So- do you skate much?” Seth asks. “I skate all the time, but it’s hard to tell, I know, I’m not that good. I mean, I’m ok, don’t get me wrong, but not as good as I should be with all the practice. So, do you skate much?”

His mom has already reached their car. “We’ve got to go, Seth,” she calls back over her shoulder. “Now!”

“See ya,” Seth says, fumbling to pick up his skateboard. “It was nice to meet you.” 

For a moment, Ryan looks like he might smile at Seth, but then he just puts another cigarette in his mouth and focuses on lighting it. Seth watches him from the passenger side mirror of the car as his mom drives them away. “He seems nice. Has he been working for you long?”

“I have no idea. I never saw him before today. Should we pick up Thai for dinner?”

“Whatever.” Seth turns his gaze towards the ocean. 

 

Seth lies on the family room couch, staring up at the ceiling. He just finished watching Spider-Man 2 for the millionth time and he’s thinking it must be pretty nice to be Peter Parker and at least have Harry for a friend, even if Harry is, ya know, deranged and trying to kill him most of the time. 

“I’ve finished patching the hole, Mrs. Cohen,” someone says, from the other room, and Seth sits up.

There’s silence as his mother inspects the job. “It looks great,” she finally says. “Thank you.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

He recognizes the voice even before he hears his mother say the name. “Seth,” she calls, “can you see Ryan out?”

Seth gets up and walks into the kitchen, where Ryan’s looking down at the bills in his hands. “Is it enough?” Seth asks.

“Yeah.” Ryan folds the money and slips it into the front pocket of his jeans. “I didn’t know I was gonna get paid at all. I thought it was just, you know, part of my workday.”

Seth looks at him so closely he notices the beads of perspiration at his temples. “You’re sweating.”

“Long day, hot day.”

“You want a drink, or something, before you go?”

Ryan shrugs. “Sure.”

Seth opens the fridge, says, “Take whatever,” and tries not to feel silly when Ryan picks a bottle of microbrewery beer instead of a soda like Seth’s.

Ryan follows Seth back into the family room, and they watch Sports Center, which somehow leads into Seth rambling on about his favorite songs about sports, including an extensive quoting of Jurassic 5’s song about basketball, “The Game”. It turns out Ryan’s never heard of the group, but he likes hip hop, so they end up in Seth’s room, listening to music. At first, Ryan sits on Seth’s desk chair, but, when Seth pushes himself up partway from his sprawl on the bed and says, dude, get over here, relax, Ryan joins him. Seth has the windows open and, when the record finishes, he can hear the birds singing. His eyes are closed and when he opens them, he turns his face towards Ryan. Ryan’s already looking at him and, when their eyes meet, Seth’s heart rate kicks up, because he knows he’s asking himself a question, the same question as when he asked Ryan to lie beside him. Isn’t there more going on here than just two guys hanging out? And that’s, yeah, he hopes there is, because, damn, something about Ryan just makes him want to get closer. He clears his throat, wants to say, can I kiss you? He settles for, “You wanna skate? I’ve got an extra board,” instead.

 

“You could be good, you know, you just gotta keep practicing.” This is the third day in a row that they’ve hung out together in the early evenings, after Ryan’s finished work. Seth’s given up pretending that he’s skating today, that he’s doing anything other than watching Ryan. He stands with his back against one of the columns at the front of their house, just soaking in the sun, everything around him. 

“Don’t have a lot of spare time,” Ryan says. “Don’t even have my own board.”

“Dude, please, take mine.”

“Didn’t mean it like that. I don’t want anything from you.”

“I know, I know. I just- I really want you to have it, ok? Please?”

“Why?”

Seth can feel his face heat. “Just like the idea of it- you having something I gave you.”

“How about we make a trade?” Ryan says. He fumbles with the knot on his leather necklace until he gets it undone and then he holds it out to Seth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Seth waits while Ryan ties it on for him. Ryan’s face is so close to his own, he can see the stubble on his upper lip, and he doesn’t even think, just leans in and, well, it’s not exactly what he means to do, but he kisses Ryan’s cheek. He feels kind of embarassed, ridiculous, but he doesn’t pull back. He stays there, sort of nuzzling the side of Ryan’s face, and then he kisses the same spot again and again until Ryan turns enough for his own mouth to reach Seth’s. At the first press of their lips, Ryan’s arms circle around his waist, tug him closer, and Seth thinks, ok, yeah, yes, and sucks at Ryan’s lower lip, nips at that soft, wet flesh. 

 

“How many guys have you been with?” Ryan asks, his fingers stroking through Seth’s hair.

“None.” Seth leans in closer, brushes his lips over Ryan’s. “You,” he amends.

“I’m not talking about what we do. I mean- you ever fucked a guy, has a guy ever fucked you?”

“No.”

“Girls?”

“One.”

“Yeah? Tell me about her.”

“Her name’s Summer. We go to school together. I had a crush on her for years.” 

“So what happened?”

He shrugs. “She’s awesome. We’re friends, now.” 

“That’s it?”

“Yeah. I just- after we got together, it never felt like I thought it would, do you know what I mean? I wanted it so much and then I had it, but somehow it wasn’t enough. I mean, she was enough, she’s amazing, but the two of us together- I guess we didn’t fit like we thought we were gonna.”

Ryan nods. “I have a friend like that, too. I liked being with her, we were good together, but she wanted more, you know? And I was ok with shit staying the same, I didn’t want it to get too serious, so, we broke up.”

“So you think it’s bad, when shit gets serious?” 

“I don’t know. I don’t think it has to be. But I had a lot going on and I couldn’t put her first, you know?” 

“So, how many guys have you been with? I’m guessing a lot, right?” Ryan winces and Seth realizes maybe he should explain that assumption. “I mean- because you’re so hot. You’re hot and you’re cool and trust me that’s what gets people every time, right? I’m cool but not everyone can tell, because I’m the kind of cool where you have to know what’s cool to know that I’m it. But you’re like the kind of cool everyone can recognize.” Ryan’s laughing at him now and that’s a way better reaction. “Seriously, Ry. You’re both the coolest and hottest person I know, pinkie swear.” Seth holds out his pinkie and wiggles it, waiting for Ryan to hook it with his own.

Ryan shakes his head at that, but squeezes Seth’s hand once in his own, a sort of affectionate compensation. “You’re a good guy, you know that?”

Now Seth gets to laugh. “Dude, most people would say I’m a spastic freak or a smug smart ass. Come on, don’t you think I’m just a spoiled rich kid?”

Ryan looks at him for a moment, eyes narrowed, like he’s considering it. “Nah.”

“So, um.” Seth still wants to know. “Other guys. What about you?” 

“Been with a lot of people.” Ryan shrugs. “But that doesn’t mean I cared about most of them.”

“So it was just about the sex?”

“Sometimes. Sometimes,” he swallows, pushes his finger against a hangnail on his thumb, “it was more like an arrangement.”

“What does that mean?”

“They, you know, they had something I needed, a place to stay, money, a job, whatever, and I had something they wanted, so we made a deal.”

“Oh, ok. That kinda sucks. I’m sor-”

Ryan shoves a rough hand over Seth’s mouth. “Don’t say that shit.” His hand slides away, curves around Seth’s cheek instead. “I take care of myself, I’m not sorry for anything I’ve done to take care of myself.” He holds Seth’s face between his hands. “You got me?” Seth nods, and Ryan releases him. “Good.”

Seth doesn’t know where to go after that. He obviously can’t say he’s sorry for almost saying he was sorry, so- “Hey, you wanna smoke up?”

“You got weed?”

“Yeah.”

Ryan smiles. “Rich boys always have the best weed.”

Seth laughs. “Yeah. My dad was a hippie, so, it’s in the blood. Organic, hydroponic, you want it, I’ll hook you up.”

 

“I like your hands, I like the way you touch me, how you just grab me and pull me in, you’re really strong, dude.” Ryan flexes a bicep, grinning, half smarmy and half sweet, and Seth kisses him again. “I love your musclesbecause, most people, when they’re built? It’s because they’re asshole jocks, like all the guys at my school, or roid rage gym monkeys who only care about how they look. But you- it’s just because you work hard, right? It’s like- honest.” Ryan pulls off his shirt and Seth kisses a trail from his throat all the way down the center of his torso. He rests his hands over Ryan’s belt, hoping for his nerves to settle a little. He doesn’t think puking on Ryan would be hot, but he’s that nervous to ask- “You want me to blow you?”

Ryan doesn’t answer and, when Seth raises his head, he looks uncomfortable. “Nah.”

“Why not?”

“Seth- look, I’m not- I don’t want to be-”

“What?”

“The guy that made you a cocksucker.”

“Yeah, like people don’t call me that already.”

“Who does?”

“It’s stupid, Marissa, this chick Heather was giving her a hard time, once, and when Summer tried to break it up, the chick went off on her, so then I stepped in, and then, well, I basically made enemies with that guy Volchok, you know him?”

“Yeah, I’ve heard the name. Surfer. Wannabe thug.”

“Dude, at this point, I’m just a wannabe, too. I’m a wannabe cocksucker and proud of it, so why don’t you give me the chance to step up and really go for it? Come on, Ryan! Help me fulfill my latent cocksucking potential.”

Ryan laughs. “I can’t believe you gave me an inspirational speech about it.”

“Hey, I can pontificate about anything. It’s a gift.”

Ryan undoes the first button of his jeans. “Let it never be said that I got in the way of your talents.”

 

“Dude, you wanna hang out?”

“Long day, Seth, I just want to stay in for the night, sorry.”

“Ok. So what are you-”

“Reading.”

“Oh, yeah? What?”

“Hesse.”

“No kidding. You like him?”

“Yeah.”

He just, he doesn’t think Ryan should be alone. He pictures him, his tiny apartment. He’s, what- just sitting by himself, in the corner of the sofa, the one by the lamp, reading? It sounds depressing, he’s not sure why. “So, should I come over?”

“Don’t put yourself out.”

“Wow, save me from your rampant enthusiasm. You sick of me or something?”

“Look, no offense, but I’m pretty tired at the end of a work day.”

“We don’t have to go anywhere. Maybe I could bring dinner. I’ll get take out from the Crab Shack, ok? Whatever you want.”

“Yeah, that sounds great, Seth, but can we- look, some days, it’s not just the work that’s too much, it’s all the people, you know? People take shit out on each other and I need the job, I’m not gonna talk shit back, but that can sort of leave me in a shit mood and I don’t want to take that out on you, you know what I mean? So you just- call again, ok? Maybe next time you’ll catch me on a better day.”

“Yeah, sure,” Seth says. “Good night, Ryan.”

“Night.”

Seth ends the call and stares down at his phone. There’s a part of him that still just wants to get in the car and go, see for himself that Ryan’s ok. What holds him back though is feeling like it’s too much. Like Ryan would be polite and shit, but secretly he’d- what? Think that Seth didn’t understand him? Didn’t get him? Worst of all, think Seth didn’t respect him? But it’s not easy, to stay away. And, yeah, sure, he could play a video game, or read comics, listen to a record, hell, seems like since he met Ryan all his new shit’s just stacking up. He’s like a month behind on his latest issues, he’s got several 45s he hasn’t even played once, a package of dvds Anna sent him, and it’s not like he doesn’t have a metric fuck ton of prep he could do for his classes next year, and college apps, too, but he just doesn’t- everything, it’s not that any of it is boring, it’s not, it’s just none of it exactly measures up to being with Ryan. 

Drinking. Is that what he’s kind of worried about? That maybe after Ryan’s done reading, he’ll put his book away, get a drink, watch some tv? Yeah, it’s not like drinking by yourself is the worst thing in the world, it just- again, it doesn’t seem good enough for Ryan. Ryan shouldn’t have to be alone, he shouldn’t have to drink by himself. Seth amuses himself with thoughts of fixing him up with Marissa just so they could be, you know, drinking buddies. But it’s not like Ryan has a problem, the way Marissa obviously does. It just seems to Seth like it’s some kind of sign, not even a warning, just a reminder that there are some ways that Ryan’s life really sucks. And that’s what he wants to prevent- like, if he were there, he knows they’d be laughing and Ryan wouldn’t be dwelling on bad and sad shit and- fuck it, he’s going over.

“What are you doing here?”

Ryan sounds pissed but Seth figures he must be welcome or why even bother opening the door? “I was worried about you. You just sounded- down. I mean, if I’m wrong, you can tell me I’m a jackass and send me away, but I just- I wanted to be here, you know?” The hug takes him by surprise, and it’s awesome, feeling Ryan hold him that tight, and he knows, he fuckin knows he made the right choice. 

Ryan has dinner in the oven, so they go for a walk out on the beach while it cooks. The water’s not something Seth ever gets tired of or forgets, living by the ocean is one thing he’ll never take for granted. 

When they sit down at the table, Ryan serves up some sort of chicken and corn tortilla casserole, the kind of comfort food Seth doesn’t get at home, but that he might order at a restaurant or something, soaking in a spicy red sauce and topped with crumbled white cheese. “This is crazy good.”

“Thanks.”

“How’d you learn to cook?”

“Theresa, she was a girlfriend of mine, her mom used to make this for us and she taught me the recipe. Here, I’ll show you a picture.” He grabs his wallet from the counter, holds it out to Seth once he’s found the snapshot.

“She’s really pretty.”

“Yeah. We got along. We were pretty happy, but- she knew I liked guys and I thought she was ok with it, it seemed like she was, but, after we broke up, she said some shit that made me think she wasn’t cool with it. And one time when I needed a place to stay, she would’ve let me but her mom wouldn’t. It was a religious thing, you know? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, but, it sucks, you know, when the people you depend on, when they let you down.”

“It doesn’t matter. It was their house, Seth, they had every right not to have me there if they didn’t want.” 

Seth wants to say they were assholes, but he knows that wouldn’t help. Ryan’s not too interested in damning people, anyway. He seems to just say, ok, people let you down, what can you do, and Seth doesn’t want to force his own judgments on to him. “But if you needed a place to stay,” he can’t help saying, though, “they shoulda let you. That should’ve been more important.” 

“Shut up and let me eat, Seth.”

“I don’t understand how anyone could ever turn you away.”

Ryan blushes and shakes his head. “Yeah, you’re crazy that way.”

 

The Bait Shop’s slow tonight, and Alex and Marissa have been hanging out with Seth and Ryan for hours now, talking, getting up to dance when they like the songs playing.

“Marissa,” Ryan says, leaning his shoulder into Seth’s. “You’re good friends with her?”

“Not really. I mean, we’re friendly.” Alex and Marissa dance together and they both watch them grind. “God, that’s hot,” Seth says.

“You want them to come back with us to your place?”

Seth laughs. “Yeah, right, like that would ever happen.”

Ryan puts his arm around Seth’s shoulders, turns his head to talk directly into his ear. “They want to, they told me that.”

“What? What the fuck?” Seth shivers. “Seriously?”

“So what do you say?”

Is that what Ryan wants? He must or he wouldn’t have brought it up, right? “Sounds good,” Seth says, and hopes Marissa’s still got some liquor left in her flask because he’s gonna need it. 

 

None of the lights are on at the Cohen’s when they get back there, so Seth doesn’t worry about how much noise they make getting into the pool house. As soon as they’re inside, Alex pushes Marissa up against the wall and drops to her knees. Marissa pulls her dress off over her head and then she’s standing there in nothing but her heels and her thong. “Jesus,” Seth says, as Alex draws Marissa’s underwear down and off. Alex slides one finger inside her, and then she leans in and starts to lick at her clit while Marissa pinches her own nipples. “Holy shit.” Seth didn’t start the night expecting to see live lesbian action but it’s, yeah, it’s pretty awesome, and he’s already hard in his jeans. 

Marissa whimpers when Alex pulls back and stands. “Shh, shh, I’ve got you,” Alex says, kissing her. “I’m gonna get you what you need.” She turns towards the guys, looking wild and fierce. “Hey,” she says to Ryan. “She likes you, you know that? You want in on this?” Before Seth can figure out what’s happening, and how he feels about it, Ryan’s taking Alex’s place. Alex walks over to Seth and runs her hands up and down the sides of his ribs, making him shudder. “And I like you,” she says to Seth, “so it works out, doesn’t it?” Alex walks Seth back to the bed and he sits down on its side. “Wanna see me?” she asks, and starts to undress. “Gonna let me see you?” 

“Ok,” Seth says, and pulls off his t-shirt. He looks back at Ryan, who’s already putting a condom on. Seth takes off the rest of his clothes and drops them in a pile on the floor. “You always pimp your girlfriend out like that?” Alex smacks his belly with her belt. “Ow! Dude, that hurt.”

Alex pushes Seth onto his back and straddles him. “I’m not pimping her out, you jackass. We both still like guys, ok? Sometimes we want to fuck guys and she just- she likes it when I plan it out, when I take charge of it. She’s too shy to do it herself, and she sure doesn’t want the guy in control, so it’s up to me.”

“You look pretty into her. I’m not buying that you’d rather be fucking me right now than her.”

“Oh, deep thought. Projection, much?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re gagging for him. I know that look. You used to have it for me.” Seth watches as Alex rolls the condom down his dick and then he turns his head to see Ryan fucking Marissa up against the wall. Seth can’t quite make out everything he’s murmuring to her as he thrusts inside her, but his voice is turning Seth on like nothing else, because he can imagine himself pinned to the wall, his own legs wrapped around Ryan’s, while Ryan asks him if it’s good, if he needs it slower, faster, what, whatever you want.

Alex starts riding him and it’s- it feels so good, her thighs are so warm and strong as they flex beneath his hands, but he’s kind of detached from it all. “Hey,” she orders, and he looks up at her. “Be with me, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he says, and urges her forward until her torso covers his own, until he can kiss her. 

 

He just feels- weird - the next morning. Not good, not bad, just weird.

He keeps wondering what Summer would say, if she heard about it, and she might, shit gets out. 

The thing is, he’s pretty sure he loves Ryan. Like a lot, like fuckin family. And he loved Summer, he did, but there was always this- space, if he’s honest. For him it was the space between who she actually was and the idea of her he’d had in his head for so long and for her, well, for her he thinks it was the space between who he was and who she wanted him to be. Not that she ever- she loved him back, he knows that, too. But sometimes it felt like she was waiting for him to grow up a bit more, to sort of join her in badass maturity, because Summer was a damn woman, didn’t matter that they were still in high school, she knew what she wanted and she got shit done, and all you had to do was look at her continually saving Marissa’s drunk or busted ass to know she could look after not only herself but anyone else who needed it, too.

And if Ryan doesn’t feel the same way, ok, that’s gonna suck, but he’d rather know, he’d rather know now, for dead certain, that he’s headed towards getting his heart crushed, than be surprised by it. And that’s why he finds himself at Ryan’s the next afternoon, even though Ryan said he wasn’t going to be around, that he had errands and shit he had to get done. Seth waits, he’s got a book with him, but he doesn’t end up reading any of it. He just sits and waits and, just before six, Ryan finally arrives. Ryan smiles, when he sees Seth, but it’s strained and Seth starts freaking out a little, inside, wondering if this is it, if they’ve reached the end. “Hey,” he says, taking to his feet. He grabs one of the grocery bags Ryan’s carrying out of his arms. “Let me help you with that.” 

“You just can’t stay away, can you?” Ryan says, and reaches past him to unlock his front door.

Seth follows him inside. He sits down at the kitchen table and watches as Ryan puts away the food. When Ryan opens the fridge for the first time, he grabs a beer for himself and passes one to Seth. Seth drinks it quickly and lets himself imagine it gives him some courage, and it works, at least enough that he can say, the next time Ryan looks his way, “Last night, I know I’m supposed to be all, oh, that was awesome, and I mean, it was, don’t get me wrong, but I’m not sure I really- I guess you’re used to that, I guess you’re a player and everything-”

Ryan slams the cabinet door shut. “A player? What the fuck, Seth? You think this is a game to me?”

“That’s not what I mean.”

Ryan’s hands ball into fists. “I don’t want you to think- you have options, ok? You get that, right?” 

“Options? What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“This thing, with me, you don’t have to do it for any reason but because you want it. I gotta make sure you understand that.”

“What the fuck!” Seth stands and faces Ryan. “Are you really? Can you be so- I know you’re smart but how the hell are you so blind? What the fuck are you saying to me? You think I’m with you because I don’t have anyone else to screw around with?”

“You’re not with me, Seth.” Ryan sounds resigned. “We’re not together, ok? We’re not fucking-”

“Yeah, because you won’t fuck me!”

“You don’t want that.”

“Don’t fucking tell me what I want! You think I don’t know what I want? I want you, I want everything from you that I can get, that’s the whole point, Ryan, that’s my whole fucking point!” This is crazy, horrible, he’s supposed to be so good with words, why the hell can’t he just make Ryan understand? Why does Ryan, who gets him like no else ever has, not realize what he means to Seth? “You may not feel like you’re with me, but I’m with you. I want this to be about you and me, together, no one else.” Shit. He’s going to cry. He turns away, doesn’t care if Ryan knows, he just doesn’t want Ryan to see. 

Ryan steps up behind him, wraps his arms around Seth’s waist and leans against his back. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “I-” he clears his throat. “What you said, I want that, too, ok?” 

Seth covers Ryan’s hands with his own. “Awesome,” he says, and feels Ryan’s chuckle.

 

Everything’s different, after that. They start seeing each other more, as much as they can, and Ryan calls sometimes, too, which he never did before, because before it was like he wanted it all to be on Seth’s end, like he didn’t want to ever be the one to start anything. And the sex is just, like- Ryan is all over him. They’re still fucking around, not fucking, but Seth’s no longer as worried about when they’ll get there, because he knows now, he knows it’s mutual, he can tell that Ryan wants him just as much as he wants Ryan. 

 

Seth’s parents go away for the weekend, and Ryan stays with Seth the whole time. They spent most of their day outside, swimming in the pool and barbecuing for lunch and dinner, and now they’re squeezed together on one of the lounge chairs, listening to the waves in the dark. 

“I gotta tell you something,” Ryan says. 

“Ok.”

Ryan pets Seth’s hair. “Nothing bad, stop worrying.”

“Dude, I am neurotic, you know this.”

“Look, Marissa’s been calling me a lot. She stopped by my place the other day. I told her I wasn’t interested, I told her nothing was gonna happen. 

“So she hit on you.”

“Yeah, basically.” 

Seth wonders if Alex knows about this. He feels kinda bad for her but not as bad as he’d feel for himself if Ryan traded him in. “But nothing happened?”

Ryan scoffs. “Course not.”

“So why even bother telling me?”

“I just- I don’t wanna keep anything secret from you.”

Seth kisses Ryan’s temple, holds him closer. “Yeah, I get that, I do. Thanks.”

“I told her, you know, about you, and me.”

“Yeah?”

“I didn’t want to, not really.”

“Because I’m so lame and not good enough for you?”

“Well, yeah, that, but mostly because it’s none of her business, what you mean to me. But I felt like that was the only thing that would get her to back off, you know? She’s a sweet girl but she seems really unhappy.” 

“Yeah.” Seth laughs. “She and I really have the same taste, I guess.”

“What do you mean?”

“She used to date this guy, Luke, at our school.”

“Good guy?”

“Not really. The guys on the water polo team are the biggest assholes on campus, you know?”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, that’s the big sport at Harbor.”

“Water polo, seriously? Shit, that’s just-”

“It’s stupid, I know.”

Ryan shakes his head. “It’s just another thing about being rich. Those kids don’t have to worry about spending all their time playing a sport they can’t play professionally, you know? Kids I knew who were star athletes, they all had their eye on what was next, getting a college scholarship for basketball or football, maybe even getting drafted for baseball, you know, something like that, a way up. Fuckin water polo.”

Seth strokes his fingertips across Ryan’s collarbone. “You ever miss playing soccer?”

“Yeah, sometimes.” Ryan grabs Seth’s wrist and stills his hand. “But what did you mean about the same taste?”

“Oh, because I was thinking about Luke. He’s not exactly deep, he’s always got this expression like he doesn’t get the punch line to a joke, kinda clueless, you know? But I still thought he was really hot. He’s built, he’s got a face like a model, he’s probably the reason I figured out I liked guys. He and Marissa could never keep their hands off of each other, even at school. I used to watch them, telling myself I was getting off on seeing her, but I knew that wasn’t true.”

“Seth?” 

“Yeah?”

“You need to know that I’m a jealous guy, ok?” Ryan nips at Seth’s lips, his throat. “Possessive.”

Seth feels like this conversation is potentially leading in a very good direction. “Yeah?”

“So stop talking like that unless you want me to hold you down and prove I’m the only one who’s got what you need.”

“That sounds- awesome, actually.”

Ryan smacks Seth’s ass. “Get up.”

“What, why? We’re cozy.”

“Because we’re taking this to the pool house.”

Seth raises his eyebrows. “And?”

“And I’m gonna fuck you.”

 

Seth feels totally exposed as Ryan fingers him, somehow more naked than naked, and he wonders if Summer felt this way, before he pressed inside her, if she felt as completely at his mercy. It’s so fucked up, he can’t imagine that she did, she’s stronger than he is in so many ways. Feeling this vulnerable, he has to close his eyes, even though it’s dark, and he’s so glad it is, he doesn’t know what he feels desperate to hide, but there’s something, something in himself he’s afraid of and also afraid of anyone seeing, how he belongs to Ryan, how it’s been like this ever since they met. 

“I’ve never- I always use condoms,” Ryan says, “and I get tested, so-”

“Tell me,” Seth urges. “What?” 

“Wanna fuck you bare,” Ryan says, and Seth’s whole body heats.

“Yeah, come on, do it.”

 

“I wish you didn’t have to go to work,” Seth says on Monday morning. Ryan’s leaning back against the counter, drinking his coffee, and Seth crowds his way in front of him, so that Ryan’s legs bracket his own. He takes the mug out of Ryan’s hands and puts it down on the counter, and then he kisses him. Ryan rests both his hands over Seth’s ass, and Seth rocks against him. 

They break apart when the front door slams shut. “Shit,” Seth whispers. “They weren’t supposed to be back this early.” 

Ryan runs a nervous hand through his hair. 

“What the hell is going on?”

“Mom, you remember Ryan?”

“What is he doing here?”

“We were just hanging out-”

“At seven thirty in the morning?” 

She’s freaking out, and that means she knows, she’s not stupid. They’re both in their boxers, there are probably bites and bruises starting on both their bodies, and all he can hope at this point is that she can’t smell them because that would just be gross. 

Sandy takes a moment’s pause, but that’s all, and it’s not because he’s measuring Ryan up, Seth knows this, it’s because he’s probably recalibrating his knowledge of his son, before he puts out his hand. “Hi, I’m Seth’s dad,” he says.

Ryan shakes his hand. “My name is Ryan Atwood, Mr. Cohen.”

Atwood. It hits Seth that he never thinks of Ryan’s last name, he knows it, sure, but it’s like Ryan’s been his, just his, a part of his world and no one else’s. 

“Would you mind waiting for us outside? We need to have a word with Seth.”

“Sir, I - I need to get to work.”

Kirsten frowns. “Are you still working on the Newport Group project?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“I can excuse any lateness.”

“I appreciate that, ma’am, but that could still leave me with a reputation as unreliable.”

“What time does your shift start?”

“Nine.”

“It’s not even eight, now,” Sandy says.

“And a fifty minute walk from here.” 

“I can drive you, ok?” Sandy says. “In the meantime, why don’t you get ready for work?”

Ryan looks to Seth. “It’s cool,” Seth says. “I’m good.”

Ryan nods at him and leaves.

“You know we could have that man arrested?” Kirsten says, as soon as Ryan’s out of sight.

“Man? For what? He’s seventeen, Mom. We’re the same age.”

“That-” Kirsten’s mouth twists, “guy- who works on my crew, is still in high school?”

“He doesn’t go to school. He takes care of himself.”

“And who is he, to you?”

“He’s my boyfriend.” 

“Seth, you’re very young-”

“Don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot. I’m definitely old enough to know how I feel about Ryan.” 

“And how is that?” Sandy asks.

“I love him.”

“Look, son, I know that when you’re young and you’re having your first sexual relationship-”

“Will you guys give me a fucking break? And he’s not my first partner.”

“Ok.”

“Look, is it because he’s a guy?”

“It’s because you hid it from us,” Kirsten says.

“Well, no hiding now,” Seth says. “It’s all out in the open.”

His mom still looks upset, but she forces a smile. “Well, you’re going to be living on your own a year or so from now, when you start college, so I guess I might as well start accepting now that you don’t need me to approve of your decisions.”

“If you knew anything about him,” Seth says, “you’d approve.”

 

Seth’s parents insist on having Ryan over for dinner that very night. They keep the personal questions to a minimum, although Sandy does say, while they’re eating dessert, “Do you ever think about going back to school?” 

Ryan shakes his head. “I finished. I mean, I got my GED last year.”

“Congratulations,” Kirsten says. “That must have taken a lot of work.”

Ryan shrugs. “I test well.” 

“So you could attend college.”

“No offense, Mr. Cohen, I know you’re only looking out for me, but I find it easier to just take everything one day at a time. That’s really the best I can do.”

 

“I can’t believe I’ve gotta go back to school next week,” Seth says, lying on his back in Ryan’s bed on a Saturday afternoon. “I can’t believe the summer’s over already.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’ve got it so bad,” Ryan teases.

“Seriously, I’m gonna miss this.” 

“Yeah.”

“You ok?”

“Your dad, he called me the other day.” 

“And?”

“He offered to let me live in your poolhouse. He said I could stay with your family, so I wouldn’t have to work fulltime. And, that way, I could focus on applying to college.”

Seth rolls over on his side so he can see Ryan. “That’s fuckin awesome.”

“I’m not gonna do it. I-”

“Why not? Dude, I know you don’t like- look, it’s not pity, ok?”

Ryan scowls. “I never said it was. But I don’t want to owe anyone anything, ok? And I don’t want to feel like- they’re not ok with us, Seth, not really. I don’t know if it’s the class thing-”

“It’s not, it’s really not, my dad’s not like that, and my mom’s not, either, not really. Don’t make this about me and you, ok? Not this. My dad- he’s a good guy. This is the kind of shit he loves to do, help people out, try and give them an opportunity.”

Ryan holds up a hand. “Let me finish. Maybe it’s not because I’m trash-”

“Ryan, don’t, please, don’t.”

“Maybe it’s just because I’m a guy. Mostly I think it’s because you’re their only kid, and you’re smart and you’re talented, and you’re a good guy-”

“You’re all of those things, too.”

“You’re their golden boy and my life’s been pretty fucked up. They don’t know me. And they probably- the truth is I don’t know if they’d be ok with me even if they did know me.”

Seth takes his hand. “But I do, I know you.”

“They don’t trust me.”

“Ryan,” Seth squeezes his hand, “I do.”

“I’m nothing that they want for you.”

“I don’t care.” Seth kisses him. “I love you.”

“Seth-” Ryan frowns. “Don’t say that.”

“Why not? Look, I get it, ok, I know you’ve had a lot of people flake out on you, and I know you think- I know I’m an idiot, compared to you, and a wimp, and a coward-”

“You’re not.”

“I just- I’m not gonna flake out on you, ever, I promise. I promise. And even if, shit, Ryan, you know you’re- you’re my best friend, ok? You’re one of the only friends I’ve ever had. And even if this changes and we’re not- into each other anymore, I mean- you know what I mean- don’t you think we would still be friends?”

Ryan sighs, and Seth knows that means he’s won- something - maybe not the whole battle, but some ground in it. “Let me think about it.”

 

Seth wakes up from his nap, curled around Ryan. He rests his hands over Ryan’s chest. “Can feel your heartbeat,” he says, and kisses his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Ryan says. “I think- I think you were right.”

“About what?”

“Whatever else happens, we’ll still be friends, right?”

“Of course.” He knows Ryan still feels uncertain, and he knows why, but Seth’s gonna prove to him that there’s at least one person who will always have his back. “Ryan, I promise, I fuckin swear, we’ll always be friends.”


End file.
